We're facebook friends in real life
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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