So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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