matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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