kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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