I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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