I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
