You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
