party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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