I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
