if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
