i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
