I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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