I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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