I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The ass gains better be worth it
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