I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Oh god it's open bar.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
