hell yes lets make some ravioli
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
