if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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