I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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