I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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