ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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