Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
