I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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