Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
