I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
