I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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