I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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