you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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