I'm lost and stupid without you.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
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