I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
