Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
