She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
