Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
