Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
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right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
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It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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