I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
