i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
