Life is so much better after having sex.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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