i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
