i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
