I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
