Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
