I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
