So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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