i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
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Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
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Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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