all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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