I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
