dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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