So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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