We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
