Tell her she can't have a vagina
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
