You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
