I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
