There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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