You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
