Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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