dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
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What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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