So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
