he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
