Already got asked if we're dating
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize