I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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