Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
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Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
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I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
as a side note pls kill me
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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