you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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