a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
