this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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