I can't breathe out the right side of my face
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
