I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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