Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
