Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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