Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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