ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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