tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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